so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
