We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
