I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
