Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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