My cat gives me a boner
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
