Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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