You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost