Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter