Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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