check it out our google latitudes are spooning
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.