Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just found out I have a small penis.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?

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  (617): I just found out I have a small penis. (781): Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/6gqe
  Replies (23) Good night (729) Bad night (5501)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.

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  (727): I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was. http://tfl.nu/ul38
  Replies (14) Good night (4667) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".

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  (617): she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case". http://tfl.nu/rki3
  Replies (22) Good night (3884) Bad night (1486)
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  (585): View more from New York

  he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

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  (585): he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice http://tfl.nu/25gk
  Replies (18) Good night (6003) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.

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  (541): Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused. http://tfl.nu/dae0
  Replies (9) Good night (1990) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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  (224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u
  Replies (8) Good night (3350) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues

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  (310): I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues http://tfl.nu/j2av
  Replies (4) Good night (1221) Bad night (770)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.

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  (609): Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people. http://tfl.nu/gli6
  Replies (11) Good night (3382) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly

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  (516): my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly http://tfl.nu/e7hc
  Replies (6) Good night (1820) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia

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  (613): I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia http://tfl.nu/64az
  Replies (4) Good night (1242) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward

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  (317): We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward http://tfl.nu/ufug
  Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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  (847): Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun http://tfl.nu/7pg6
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.

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  (307): Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school. http://tfl.nu/nzko
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.

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  (647): My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation. http://tfl.nu/c400
  Replies (1) Good night (520) Bad night (180)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?

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  (919): He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/jmwx
  Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (323)

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