Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Why are handjobs necessary in class?

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(713): View more from Texas

Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together

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(804): View more from Virginia

my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

I'm on my way.

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(305): View more from Florida

It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(646): View more from New York

You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...

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