she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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