its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
