i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
