You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
