god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
