The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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