just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
