You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
