Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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