I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
