Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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