Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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