I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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