I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
