I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
