Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
