Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
