you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
