I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
