I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
