I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
