it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
