i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
