Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
