kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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