My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
