i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
