Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
