I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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