I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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