i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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