Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
love makes seman taste better
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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