Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
