Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
