yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Terrible idea I love it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
