Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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