I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
