If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
