u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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