I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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