Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
