His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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