her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
