This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
