ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
