We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
