Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
