The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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