She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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