i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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