Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
