i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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