I think my fart just growled at me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
