Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
