i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
