What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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