why didn't you poke me back
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
