i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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