how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
