So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
