just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
